It was dark as I looked at Lual and knew that he too would soon leave me. Death was coming quickly for him, rushing out of the night as the day disappeared. I was not surprised. I knew it could come in an instant when it chose you.
I lowered my head and pushed my nose into the crook of Lual’s arm. His skin was warm, soft. It smelled like dry meaet. Saliva rushed into my mouth. Could I do as the magician had done? I pulled my head away, turned my face from Lual. Mama, where are you? Mama, are you near? A soft rattle hissed before Lual’s silence filled the air around me.
He was dead. Gone. Could Lual save me where Lam had not?
I closed my eyes and a shadow danced across the back of my mind. I heard sounds – Mama singing hymns, the voices in church raised together in praise. Mama had prayed during the war and the bombs had never hit us. I had prayed under the tree and rain had come.
I knew that if God didn’t save me, I would feed myself by morning. Lual was so close. His body still warm and the smell of him in my nostrils. I needed him. I would die too if he didn’t help me. But could I do this terrible thing? My eyes flickered shut as I rolled on to my side away from Lual. I could feel him so close, feel his smell reaching inside me and clawing at my stomach. It was so good. So sweet.
Help me, Mama.
God, if you are there, then show me the way.
The hours of the night slid slowly by as I lay next to Lual. Minute by minute, hour by hour, I lay awake as my body and mind fought a war inside me, and I told myself that if God had not saved me by morning, then I would eat. I would wait just a little longer to see if He would hear my prayer.
Our Father. Help me.
Our Father. Who art in heaven. Hallowed by thy name.
Our Father. Forgive us our trespasses.When the sun shone warm on my skin and light filled the sky, I turned my head to look at Lual lying beside me. God had not listened. I knew what I must do now. I stared up at the sky as a black shadow streaked into the corner of my eye. A crow. I reached for my gun. If I could kill the bird, then I would feed on that. I would survive on its flesh. I would not commit a sin that would stain my soul for ever. But my arm was too weak to lift the heavy AK-47 as my fingers closed softly around it.
Our Father. Who art in heaven. Where are you now?
Suddenly a shot cracked into the sky and I saw a boy ahead collapsing to the ground with his gun. I knew he had hit the bird as a burst of black feathers fell to the ground. The boy didn’t move and neither did the bird. Slowly I pulled myself on to my knees and started crawling towards the crow. Food. God had done as I asked. He had delivered me from evil. And soon He would save me again.
Here are the bits of what I’ve gleaned this past week:
- We can be powerful man and woman of God if we can align our emotions to the His will.
- There must be clarity amidst uncertainty. Clarity of our vision and our original design.
- God has a master plan for everything. Are we consulting His master plan?
- One of the most tedious week of birthday planning!
- ORD = more work? Okie dokie.
- Purity is not a point, it is a process.
And about myself:
- I have little emotions.
- If I’m away from home for a long long time, will I be homesick?
- What’s the main guiding principle in my future career choice? Job security, tent-making, or just something I love?
- My Sis’ going Canada for master’s degree too! (okay, the point is – I’m excited about opportunities).
Our minds feast upon the titillating pictures of the flesh the instance they appear before us.
We then react with aversion to stories of child soldiers who suffer dismemberment of their lips, ears and tongues.
I’m not sure what is disgusting anymore, widespread pictures of people suffering or the warped sense of beauty that the world now embraces. I feel guilty running away from beheading videos or real-life torture flicks because my faint heart is not ready to face these unbearable acts of injustice. These are the people we should have a burden for, not disgust! On the other hand, I feel guilty not taking my eyes off the flesh as I’m trapped and seized by temptations. These are people lost in their perception of beauty, of acceptance and identity!
I’m worried because disgust in the worldly dictionary takes on a completely different meaning. My prayer is for repentance and for God to reveal to this fallen world the truth of the Gospel and the lies of the devil. We need a radical revival in our moral dictionary. We need to express moral aversion to where it truly deserves.
As people living in the 21st century we multitask all the time. From reading a novel on the train journey to school or work, to the occasional smses that cut our conversations in pieces. Some times I plug in my earphones to drown out the noise that’s around me, but I’m not listening attentively at all to the lyrics of the songs.
Sure, multitasking does bring us quite a bit of time saved. But as with all habits, it becomes a snare for people who get distracted all the time. And distractions are a bane according to a wise pastor!
Here’s a great article on the effects of multitasking on our lives, evaluating the truth behind the productivity that it brings us.
The last thing you want to do is to multitask God!
I recall during Men’s Conference a month back, some guy raised the issue of lack of biblical role models in our Church care groups to follow with regards to BGR. I think this testimony is really sweet, it’s about an engaged couple talking about how their relationship developed. There’s a video about this at the bottom of the page if you’ve time to spare.
Ladies, if you’re reading, you can check out this website about biblical womanhood.
Guys, a little cross referencing helps some times!
I’m probably not the most reliable person to speak about this issue, but nevertheless I’m compelled to bring the topic about biblical manhood to the table! It has to be one of the focal points of the NS ministry, besides the many important things we engage in. After all, there is where our calling lies.
The many problems we encounter in NS ministry today are guy-issues. For e.g. people not being in control of their lives, contented with just bumping around for 2 years, or just plain distracted by day to day issues that they forget that God is ‘there’ (Jehovah Shammah!)
When I’m asked about what I’m doing in church, I want to proudly say that I’m involved in a noble ministry to NS guys, not simply, “I attend care group!” or “I hang out with a bunch of guys every week”. The former implies a sense of purpose, a clear definition of my role in this ministry, and a thorough understanding of what my time at this life station entails. It really brings about a great sense of ownership.
