It was dark as I looked at Lual and knew that he too would soon leave me. Death was coming quickly for him, rushing out of the night as the day disappeared. I was not surprised. I knew it could come in an instant when it chose you.

I lowered my head and pushed my nose into the crook of Lual’s arm. His skin was warm, soft. It smelled like dry meaet. Saliva rushed into my mouth. Could I do as the magician had done? I pulled my head away, turned my face from Lual. Mama, where are you? Mama, are you near? A soft rattle hissed before Lual’s silence filled the air around me.

He was dead. Gone. Could Lual save me where Lam had not?

I closed my eyes and a shadow danced across the back of my mind. I heard sounds – Mama singing hymns, the voices in church raised together in praise. Mama had prayed during the war and the bombs had never hit us. I had prayed under the tree and rain had come.

I knew that if God didn’t save me, I would feed myself by morning. Lual was so close. His body still warm and the smell of him in my nostrils. I needed him. I would die too if he didn’t help me. But could I do this terrible thing? My eyes flickered shut as I rolled on to my side away from Lual. I could feel him so close, feel his smell reaching inside me and clawing at my stomach. It was so good. So sweet.

Help me, Mama.
God, if you are there, then show me the way.

The hours of the night slid slowly by as I lay next to Lual. Minute by minute, hour by hour, I lay awake as my body and mind fought a war inside me, and I told myself that if God had not saved me by morning, then I would eat. I would wait just a little longer to see if He would hear my prayer.

Our Father. Help me.
Our Father. Who art in heaven. Hallowed by thy name.
Our Father. Forgive us our trespasses.

When the sun shone warm on my skin and light filled the sky, I turned my head to look at Lual lying beside me. God had not listened. I knew what I must do now. I stared up at the sky as a black shadow streaked into the corner of my eye. A crow. I reached for my gun. If I could kill the bird, then I would feed on that. I would survive on its flesh. I would not commit a sin that would stain my soul for ever. But my arm was too weak to lift the heavy AK-47 as my fingers closed softly around it.

Our Father. Who art in heaven. Where are you now?

Suddenly a shot cracked into the sky and I saw a boy ahead collapsing to the ground with his gun. I knew he had hit the bird as a burst of black feathers fell to the ground. The boy didn’t move and neither did the bird. Slowly I pulled myself on to my knees and started crawling towards the crow. Food. God had done as I asked. He had delivered me from evil. And soon He would save me again.

Here are the bits of what I’ve gleaned this past week:

1. We can be powerful man and woman of God if we can align our emotions to the His will.
2. There must be clarity amidst uncertainty. Clarity of our vision and our original design.
3. God has a master plan for everything. Are we consulting His master plan?
4. One of the most tedious week of birthday planning!
5. ORD = more work? Okie dokie.
6. Purity is not a point, it is a process.

And about myself:

1. I have little emotions.
2. If I’m away from home for a long long time, will I be homesick?
3. What’s the main guiding principle in my future career choice? Job security, tent-making, or just something I love?
4. My Sis’ going Canada for master’s degree too! (okay, the point is – I’m excited about opportunities).

Our minds feast upon the titillating pictures of the flesh the instance they appear before us.

We then react with aversion to stories of child soldiers who suffer dismemberment of their lips, ears and tongues.

I’m not sure what is disgusting anymore, widespread pictures of people suffering or the warped sense of beauty that the world now embraces. I feel guilty running away from beheading videos or real-life torture flicks because my faint heart is not ready to face these unbearable acts of injustice. These are the people we should have a burden for, not disgust! On the other hand, I feel guilty not taking my eyes off the flesh as I’m trapped and seized by temptations. These are people lost in their perception of beauty, of acceptance and identity!

I’m worried because disgust in the worldly dictionary takes on a completely different meaning. My prayer is for repentance and for God to reveal to this fallen world the truth of the Gospel and the lies of the devil. We need a radical revival in our moral dictionary. We need to express moral aversion to where it truly deserves.

As people living in the 21st century we multitask all the time. From reading a novel on the train journey to school or work, to the occasional smses that cut our conversations in pieces. Some times I plug in my earphones to drown out the noise that’s around me, but I’m not listening attentively at all to the lyrics of the songs.

Sure, multitasking does bring us quite a bit of time saved. But as with all habits, it becomes a snare for people who get distracted all the time. And distractions are a bane according to a wise pastor!

Here’s a great article on the effects of multitasking on our lives, evaluating the truth behind the productivity that it brings us.

The last thing you want to do is to multitask God!

I recall during Men’s Conference a month back, some guy raised the issue of lack of biblical role models in our Church care groups to follow with regards to BGR. I think this testimony is really sweet, it’s about an engaged couple talking about how their relationship developed. There’s a video about this at the bottom of the page if you’ve time to spare.

Ladies, if you’re reading, you can check out this website about biblical womanhood.

Guys, a little cross referencing helps some times!

I’m probably not the most reliable person to speak about this issue, but nevertheless I’m compelled to bring the topic about biblical manhood to the table! It has to be one of the focal points of the NS ministry, besides the many important things we engage in. After all, there is where our calling lies.

The many problems we encounter in NS ministry today are guy-issues. For e.g. people not being in control of their lives, contented with just bumping around for 2 years, or just plain distracted by day to day issues that they forget that God is ‘there’ (Jehovah Shammah!)

When I’m asked about what I’m doing in church, I want to proudly say that I’m involved in a noble ministry to NS guys, not simply, “I attend care group!” or “I hang out with a bunch of guys every week”. The former implies a sense of purpose, a clear definition of my role in this ministry, and a thorough understanding of what my time at this life station entails. It really brings about a great sense of ownership.

The reason why people leave caregroup feeling more drained than before is simply because they gave more than they received. This happens we struggle in accomplishing our roles in chairing, leading games, holy communion, and we forgot to be ourselves, to rest in the joy of complete dependency on God.

I do not conscientiously think about the joy of serving. They come as spontaneously as I choose to submit everything to God, enthrone Him in my life, give Him the greatest glory and see Him most satisfied. The joy of the Lord is my strength!

We are urged to do all these things in the Bible. If they were all made into commandments we would have fallen short of so many of  them! If we’re to follow them by heart, compelled by love as the greatest commandment, we’ll truly be able to experience the blessings of a community! And yes, with Love overarching all the ‘one anothers’.

Love one another
Do not oppress one another
Be at peace with one another
Show hospitality with one another
We are members one of another
Honor one another
Do not judge one another
Receive one another
Do not excuse one another
Do not fight with one another
Serve one another
Do not envy one another
Admonish one another
Wait for one another
Greet one another
Care for one another
Bear the burdens of one another
Show deference to one another
Forgive one another
Be kind to one another
Submit to one another
Do not lie to one another
Provoke to good works one another
Comfort one another
Concern yourself in the affairs of one another
Do not hate one another
Do not speak evil of one another
Pray for one another
Be like-minded toward one another
Do not hold a grudge against one anoth
Highly esteem one another
Do not be partial toward one another
Have fellowship with one another
Edify one another
Teach one another
Do good to one another
Exhort one another
Minister spiritual gifts to one another

Research from the University of Indiana shows that groups and teams come up with far less ideas when they’re together than while being alone.

I don’t know what these people from the research faced but I can surely identify with the soft of indecisiveness our teams face when we’re to come up with something concrete. When a discussion seemingly ends up nowhere and an impatient team member blows up, what do you do?

The fruit of a discussion comes when one realises that in all the bickering and strifling, there is concensus in moving on. How then, can you say that the discussion’s back at square one? Think about the exchange of ideas and transfer of knowledge. If anything it brings comfort to know that there are channels for creativity and innovation. The key is to really turn unpolished ideas into diamonds. The next time you’re figuring out whether it is indecisiveness or creativity, you have the liberty to choose the latter!

I love the skit guys. They present their skits in simple ways that connect to each and everyone of our hearts. This one reminds me of the need to submit every part of myself for God’s pruning and molding. What an amazing job!

Recently I’ve been reminded by the Holy Spirit to let my heart be undivided for God. Think about it if God is everything and I’m nothing, then our relationship is indivisible!

If God -> ∞
and   I -> 0
You do the rest of the math.

It is so hard to keep myself pure in heart and devoted to God, but by His spirit He strengthens us as we walk in His ways!

For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. (2 Chr 16:9)

This morning I woke up to an odd recollection that I have an old globe sitting atop my cupboard. It was a gift from my parents after news that I topped my Primary 1 class. I can hardly remember why I chose this gift. There are among a thousand other possible toys that can flood a boy’s room – Gundam, Dragonball, Power Rangers. But why a globe?

And this is the first time in almost 2 years that I’m feeling idle. Not good!

I can still remember clearly the day when we stepped out of a prayer meet half a year ago, we went with a heart desire to see a police care group established. We termed it ‘PCG’ and made the whiteboard our drawing block, filling it with a list of things that we want to see come to pass.

Today many people ask me, how is the ministry coming along? I have very few reasons to celebrate. The to-do list has yet to be struck. Joshua 18:3 is a reminder that another second passed is another second toooo long.

Joshua 18:2-3
But there were still seven Israelite tribes who had not yet received their inheritance. So Joshua said to the Israelites: “How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the LORD, the God of your fathers, has given you?..”

Dear reader, if it pleases you as it does for God, do keep our team in prayer.

• We believe that a God-ordained vision matures and becomes a moral imperative. Pray that it will remain so in our hearts.
• We want to break out of our comfort zones and be crazy for the big things and little things that please God. Pray that we’ll overcome fear and be courageous in outreach and discipleship.
• We believe that the end of a God-ordained vision is God. Pray that we’ll see God’s face behind every fruit and harvest.
• We want to become a testimony of God’s providence and His hand in the whole scheme of things. Pray that His name be glorified.
• We believe that a God-ordained vision is one that leaves a strong lasting legacy! Pray that we’ll build our ministry not only for ourselves but for generations of man in the police community to come.
• Invest in lives, influence camps, impact the world, that is our vision.

And interestingly, God’s deliverance almost always comes after a hearty declaration of thanksgiving.

Jonah 2:9-10
“…But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD.”
And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

Like Jonah, I acknowledge that God is the way to Himself.

Like Jonah, what I have vowed I will make good