Global Conference has been a really great experience for me to simply busk in God’s presence, be fully immersed in the expressive praise and worship styles quite unlike what we have back in Singapore. (lots of room for improvement, Uni-YA!) There were plenty of opportunities to learn from different pastors’ teachings. I attended the Church planter’s preparation workshop even though I didn’t sign up for it. It must have been the divine appointment by God through someone’s intentional manipulation! The sharing we have every night also gave me insights into other brothers’ lives and what God spoke to them through the similar experiences. Really admired the organising team for pulling off a convention of such gargantuan scale. More than 1800 people attended! Truly amazing.

We’ve had an opportunity to share our stories and hear from our brother Edwin from Netherlands. His spoke of his amazing story of how he was stranded in Malaysia due to some personal reason and subsequently found refuge and received Christ at Hope Malacca, where he now serves. I also heard from Andy who came all the way from down under, Hope Perth. He shared with me the difficulties faced in growing his life group and I simply told him we face the same situation in Singapore as well!

Mixing around with people from various countries made me realise how similar we are even though we’re living so far away from one another. This is the spirit of our movement that I will really treasure for a long time to come. The stories of life transformation and testimonies we hear can point us in two directions – one in which we think we’ll never be able to reap the same fruits, or one in which we know we have the power through Christ to accomplish.

God is also calling our movement to rend our hearts and not our garments as prophesied during one of the nights. This is most crucial because God is looking for people who’s hearts are consecrated and fully devoted to Him. Any wrong step that we take, we can be pretty sure that we’re simply building our own kingdoms. God’s anointing will not be with those whose mouths profess what is not within their hearts.

Not a single person left the convention without wanting to dream big. The challenge is to live out the gospel in our lives every single day. Many times we fumble and come before God to ask for His grace. The preaching and the sermon ignites the fire within us to continue to serve and believe in the impossible. But this constant cycle of periodic anointing is getting on my nerves. I don’t need another adrenaline shot to make my blood boil for the lost souls of the world. We need to have a vision that lasts the entire journey. Without vision, we can be busy without going anywhere. Our future is subject to circumstances.

My personal vision is to see God’s glory be proclaimed and praised across the world in places where it is least revealed through lives changed by the gospel of Jesus Christ. After all, God’s glory is not for cats and dogs to enjoy alone. It is for us – people who’re created in His image!

I learn that:

• More than just a habit, procrastination reveals our area of weakness.
• I’m a limiting factor to the growth of my sheep and my care group. I must grow!
• The note that isn’t genuine doesn’t even reach God. What’s the point.
• During a crisis, the best thing a leader can bring to the table is a faith-filled heart. And no, you don’t need to wait till that moment to exercise faith!

Few things to thank God for:

• A wonderful time of prayer with cg
• People still believing in you
• A heart that confesses both sin and God and a soul restored.
• On Friday, We “excelled in our genuine simplicity to worship” Truly grateful to serve with people in service, be part of its infancy and to witness it’s growth.
• A chance to salvage my bizarre relations with kids.

This is such an irony. But at a time like this, of all things I can be fighting against, I’m fighting a rebellion. The people I want to help are in rebellion, even though they probably don’t know they are doing just that, constantly going against the advancement of Your kingdom. They’re taking a step forward and two steps back. It’s heartbreaking to know. But God has other plans.

Joshua 10:8

The Lord said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you.”

Not one of them will be able to withstand me.
Withstand what?
Withstand my love! Withstand my efforts. Withstand my patience.
My weapon is the spirit and my shield is faith, everlasting, deep faith.

Of course, it’s not them per say that I’m fighting. It’s the sin within them. The ignorance and the unbelief.

Until the sun stands still and the moon stops at its orbit.

Matt Chandler’s message got me thinking about our attitude towards brokenness, especially in the lives of believers. Many people think that if certain ugly aspects of their lives are revealed to the outside world, they will lose their credibility as bringers of the Gospel message. They hide it pretty well. In church and bible studies, we challenge people to grow towards Christ-likeness, but we forget to make them aware of their brokenness. Where is God’s grace? We must celebrate our brokenness and how this broken being is continually being made whole in Christ! Sinners must first rejoice!

A video about second chances, through the life of Ted Haggard, a pastor who fell from grace.

If Christians can start living out the Gospel and stop treating it like just some kind of conversion story, we can have some really powerful testimonies and witnesses arise around us today.

If I’m David, who’s Jonathan?

God.

Called by many names, known by one people.
Who seek Him in His temple.

Gospel.

The message of the Bible, story of redemption.
Culminated in death, reborn in resurrection.

Grace.

As sinners we rejoice in failure,
For in us there is no more fear.

Praise God! Praise God!

For His grace alone can save

The more I think about it, the more I’m concerned how my heart knowledge isn’t exactly matching up to my head knowledge. Not simply a matter of being numb. Somehow I missed a step in between, and it has left me wondering how I can reconcile them both.

I’ve been looking outward for too long and failed to see the small little details of how things should fall into place. Too much of the grand scheme of things. Too little of the valuable details. Nobody likes reading just world news alone.

Touch the deep recesses of my heart. Reveal to me the abyss of my thoughts. Speak into my life, O Lord!

let me “lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).

It was dark as I looked at Lual and knew that he too would soon leave me. Death was coming quickly for him, rushing out of the night as the day disappeared. I was not surprised. I knew it could come in an instant when it chose you.

I lowered my head and pushed my nose into the crook of Lual’s arm. His skin was warm, soft. It smelled like dry meaet. Saliva rushed into my mouth. Could I do as the magician had done? I pulled my head away, turned my face from Lual. Mama, where are you? Mama, are you near? A soft rattle hissed before Lual’s silence filled the air around me.

He was dead. Gone. Could Lual save me where Lam had not?

I closed my eyes and a shadow danced across the back of my mind. I heard sounds – Mama singing hymns, the voices in church raised together in praise. Mama had prayed during the war and the bombs had never hit us. I had prayed under the tree and rain had come.

I knew that if God didn’t save me, I would feed myself by morning. Lual was so close. His body still warm and the smell of him in my nostrils. I needed him. I would die too if he didn’t help me. But could I do this terrible thing? My eyes flickered shut as I rolled on to my side away from Lual. I could feel him so close, feel his smell reaching inside me and clawing at my stomach. It was so good. So sweet.

Help me, Mama.
God, if you are there, then show me the way.

The hours of the night slid slowly by as I lay next to Lual. Minute by minute, hour by hour, I lay awake as my body and mind fought a war inside me, and I told myself that if God had not saved me by morning, then I would eat. I would wait just a little longer to see if He would hear my prayer.

Our Father. Help me.
Our Father. Who art in heaven. Hallowed by thy name.
Our Father. Forgive us our trespasses.

When the sun shone warm on my skin and light filled the sky, I turned my head to look at Lual lying beside me. God had not listened. I knew what I must do now. I stared up at the sky as a black shadow streaked into the corner of my eye. A crow. I reached for my gun. If I could kill the bird, then I would feed on that. I would survive on its flesh. I would not commit a sin that would stain my soul for ever. But my arm was too weak to lift the heavy AK-47 as my fingers closed softly around it.

Our Father. Who art in heaven. Where are you now?

Suddenly a shot cracked into the sky and I saw a boy ahead collapsing to the ground with his gun. I knew he had hit the bird as a burst of black feathers fell to the ground. The boy didn’t move and neither did the bird. Slowly I pulled myself on to my knees and started crawling towards the crow. Food. God had done as I asked. He had delivered me from evil. And soon He would save me again.

Here are the bits of what I’ve gleaned this past week:

1. We can be powerful man and woman of God if we can align our emotions to the His will.
2. There must be clarity amidst uncertainty. Clarity of our vision and our original design.
3. God has a master plan for everything. Are we consulting His master plan?
4. One of the most tedious week of birthday planning!
5. ORD = more work? Okie dokie.
6. Purity is not a point, it is a process.

And about myself:

1. I have little emotions.
2. If I’m away from home for a long long time, will I be homesick?
3. What’s the main guiding principle in my future career choice? Job security, tent-making, or just something I love?
4. My Sis’ going Canada for master’s degree too! (okay, the point is – I’m excited about opportunities).

Our minds feast upon the titillating pictures of the flesh the instance they appear before us.

We then react with aversion to stories of child soldiers who suffer dismemberment of their lips, ears and tongues.

I’m not sure what is disgusting anymore, widespread pictures of people suffering or the warped sense of beauty that the world now embraces. I feel guilty running away from beheading videos or real-life torture flicks because my faint heart is not ready to face these unbearable acts of injustice. These are the people we should have a burden for, not disgust! On the other hand, I feel guilty not taking my eyes off the flesh as I’m trapped and seized by temptations. These are people lost in their perception of beauty, of acceptance and identity!

I’m worried because disgust in the worldly dictionary takes on a completely different meaning. My prayer is for repentance and for God to reveal to this fallen world the truth of the Gospel and the lies of the devil. We need a radical revival in our moral dictionary. We need to express moral aversion to where it truly deserves.